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The current period represents a ten-year milestone since the phrase “disappearing” entered the public consciousness. Back then, the concept that someone could abruptly cease communication with a lover without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a partner has only become more confounding – an oftentimes unsuccessful pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media lingo.

Gen Z, a generation who came of age during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a concerted challenge on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier terrain than their millennial elders could ever fathom. And so their dating lexicon has grown longer and more deranged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a extensive breakdown to the words gen Z is using to discuss romance, sex and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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A

Realness – According to gen Z, dating’s ideal is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A social media test connected to a test developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s reaction is engaged or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This refers to choosing someone who aids you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would get a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A date where two people connect while running errands, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do budget-friendly dating in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or split, venting all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie affluence, it refers to couples who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The opposite of playing it cool: utilizing communication, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Signals

• Warning signs – Behavioral traits signaling a potential partner is bad news. For instance calling their exes unstable, subpar tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits validate your decision to date a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These typically describe specific, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their bag, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things builds closeness faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band many young men likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and frequently trivial repulsions that immediately shut down any feelings of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet display.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be limited since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {